riotousjunkie | IC Inbox (ainmhian)

[...okay, so. If he was really trying to hide that detail, he might have phrased all that differently. Or maybe he's still too stoned to think through it clearly. Doesn't matter now, though, now that he's gone and said it.

He takes in a breath and does his own self-steeling, because while he knows his answer could be worse, she's probably not going to like it.]

We slept together one time. A couple months back. [One time, a while ago. Not a regular thing.] ...actually, she was the one who thought it was so bloody hilarious, me askin' if it mattered that I had a girlfriend.

I barely knew who she was at the time. We haven't really spoken since. [A little back-and-forth over the tomes, but he hardly thinks that counts.]

[Airy isn't sure what she's expecting to feel when she already knew what his answer was going to be. It isn't hate or rage. It isn't like there is competition or a likely hood of Widowmaker stealing Cassidy away from her or capturing his affection.

She was as ass and not even a particularly charming one either. She was sexy but that went skin deep and then ended in cool twisting webs of manipulation and distance. Airy knew that, maybe it's that aspect that made Widowmaker all the more erotic. Maybe that's why she doesn't feel the stab of pain in her chest that she expects, knowing that Cassidy had slept with someone else.

Her expression falters but what's left on her face is nothing but pure and utter confusion. Airy doesn't say anything.

She has no idea what to say.

Her dislike and annoyance at Widowmaker is still there but that isn't because of Cassidy. She already hadn't really cared for the woman.

Airy's mind tumbles and the silence stretches and lingers as she tries and fails to sort out how she's feeling.]

[It's a bloody heroic feat of mental strength, making himself shut up for a few seconds to give her space to react.

And then she says nothing.]

She's trouble. She's, she's a — a cold, cruel person who doesn't give a shit about other's feelings. You don't have to tell me to stay clear of her.

[If that's what's troubling you, Airy. Is that what's troubling you? Please give him something here, he's starting to go into panic mode.]

I'm concerned about you, though. You said she's stalkin' 'ya. [That's a pretty serious word.]

[It takes a moment, even after Cassidy's ramblings, for her to realize that he's uneasy. That he thinks that he did something wrong. Maybe he did but... so had she. In a weird way, it evened out, maybe that's why Airy didn't care?]

Cassidy. [Her voice was soft, kind and patient as she gently pressed her index finger against his lips.] Just, give me a second.

[She let her finger slowly shape his lips before pulling away and bringing her hand back to her lap. Airy likes Cassidy's mouth, when it moves and when it's on her. It's a random thought but it helps her organize the hectic nothing she felt twisting at the back of her mind.]

I'm not sure what I feel.

I'm mean, I'm still annoyed at her and I don't like her. But I seriously don't know what I am feeling. It's not bad but its not good. I feel... here.

It's weird.

[It's weirder still since she doesn't remember taking any drugs. The coffee hadn't been laced with anything. So what was this feeling?]

[She sounds so calm. That silences him as much as the finger on his lips. He watches her while she traces his mouth, allowing the touch and her general air of patience to bring him back down to Earth.]

Okay.

[Shut up. Be still. Give her space. In the silence, Cassidy takes his hand off of her knee and switches on his heartbeat. It gives him something to focus on, to track the passage of time.

One. Two. Three. Four.]

You want summore coffee? [He still hasn't finished his, but her cup is empty, and there's plenty left in the batch.]

Edited 2018-08-24 17:27 (UTC)

Huh? Yeah.

[She passes her cup over to Cassidy, watching him pour more of the dark bitter liquid into a cup.]

Can you tell me how to feel?

[Airy pauses.]

What kind of name is Widowmaker anyway? Does she only kill married men? That is stupidly specific. [She wants to keep being angry but her furry has ebbed some, tempered by the confusion that stirs within her.]

[He refills both their cups and returns directly. The 'how to feel' question goes unanswered — at first, it's because he actually can't. Then, it's because making fun of Widow's name is a much more attractive topic.]

Sounds like the name of a bleedin' sword some orc would be carryin' around in Lord of the Rings. [He puts on a generic, Cockney-esque accent, lowers his voice to a gravelly growl, and holds up his free hand like he's holding onto the hilt of a sword:] I call it... Widowmaker.

[He glances over to see whether he's managed to at least make her crack a smile. Although, in any case, he's had another thought:]

And, y'know, I told her back then, I can't imagine callin' someone 'Widow' durin' sex. That is potentially the least sexy thing I can imagine comin' out with. Oh, sure, let's conjure up dead husbands. That's exactly what I wanna be thinkin' about right now. [He shakes his head, and lifts his coffee to his lips, adding a muttered:] Christ.

[Airy's fingers curl around her cup as Cassidy rejoins her on the couch.]

It does. [He gets a small smile out of her and then a light warm laugh.] Like a short sword that's in the hand of a really big orc. He's clearly over compensating for something but you're not sure what. [Amusement dances in the light blue of her eyes.]

I told her the same thing but she wanted me to call her spider in French. I don't think she knew that I know French and I told her that was stupid and I wasn't going to call her that. [Airy sighed softly.] It's probably not her name anyway. Whatever made her what she is now, is probably what changed it.

I mean, no mother wakes up and decides to name their daughter Widowmaker. [Even nowadays when people are trying to come up with unique names.

Silence falls for a few seconds and Airy sighs.]

I really hate her Cassidy. I don't really want to think about you having sex with her and then later having sex with me. [As much as she isn't really upset, Airy still doesn't want to think about it. Hopefully he bathed afterwards or something.]

It wasn’t on the same day, if it helps.

[In the most technical terms, one had been the day before the other. But they’re not getting into those specifics if Cass can help it.]

No, but I don’t blame ya for that. [And they’ve well established that Airy hates her, which leaves the question:] What’re you gonna do, she tries to pull the same shite again?

Edited 2018-08-25 18:45 (UTC)

Not really Cass but thanks for trying.

[She forces her lips into a smile before letting the expression slip away. Airy doesn't want to have to force herself around Cassidy. He's one of the few people she doesn't always just smile for.]

I don't know.

[Airy exhales and then takes a sip of her coffee, focusing on the warmth that sliers down her throat.]

That's kinda why I came to you. I'm not sure what to do. It's strange and I feel like it doesn't have an answer that I'll be okay with.

[So she is looking for his advice. Cassidy is tempted to repeat his earlier tip about giving Widowmaker cement shoes, but... he remembers Widow saying how much she enjoyed so-called ‘big game.’ Those sort of benign deterrents might give Airy some time, but they’d probably just make it more exciting for Widow.

Which means what? Airy should try to make herself boring prey...? Which would mean struggling to act like she wasn’t turned on by Widow at all. Which Widow would see through, likely. And they’re back to the thrill of the chase.]

...well, I know you probably won’t like this one, but if she doesn’t stop comin’ after ya, you might have to hurt her.

[Yeah, he’s already pretty sure she doesn’t like that idea.]

Only if it comes to it, right? But it sounds to me like she’s treatin’ this as some cat and mouse game, when she doesn’t know who she’s dealin’ with. [He extends an index finger and pokes her in the knee. Looking for eye contact, to let her know he really believes this.] The Creator. You’ve got ways to defend yourself. You shouldn’t be afraid to use ‘em.

[Airy looks up at Cassidy and once again, she tries to smile.]

I've never hurt someone on purpose before. I've defended myself but this is... I don't know. It does feel good. It's weird to think I need to defend myself against that. [Widowmaker really has no idea who she's dealing with because so far she's caught Airy by surprise and hsa quickly rattled her thoughts.]

I don't like being the mouse.

[She likes holding the whip and being the sexy cat.]

Cassidy... I realize I probably won't like the answer to this question but do you like her? Widowmaker? [She takes a sip of her coffee and watches Cassidy curiously.]

[He blinks, honestly incredulous at the question.]

Now I don’t! She’s actin’ like a psycho toward ya!

...she’s a bombshell, no doubts there, but so’re lots of people here who aren’t... [He nearly says forcing themselves on people, but the more they talk about this, the more uncomfortable he’s getting with that framing. Airy herself sounds uncertain whether or not she wants it.

In the end, instead of saying anything, he makes a vague gesture. She can fill in her own end to the sentence.]

Yeah.

[She leans against the back of the couch, looking up at Cassidy with large bright blue eyes.]

Cassidy... I think I like girls.

[It's a slight shift in subject but Airy needs to let the whole situation with Widowmaker simmer before she knows what she's going to do. It's too confusing to focus on right now. Thinking back on it now...and gets all hot-n-bothered but Widowmaker is annoying about it and all sexy and confident and pushes until she says yes.

Making her admit things about herself that she hadn't really known before.]

I guess that's like a dream sentence for boyfriends to hear but it's weird to think about.

[Cassidy points at his own head.] I’m only doin’ cartwheels and jumpin’ jacks up here, but never mind me.

[It’s a very dry joke. Fingers crossed she’s had enough experience with his sense of humor to get that.

He looks more serious after another couple seconds of thought. This is a tough moment for Airy — what is it she really needs?

Maybe a little reassurance?]

You’re quicker on the uptake than I was. First couple of times I was with another man, I chalked it up to boredom. Or desperation. Or ‘I just got hard cause there was friction, it coulda been anythin’.’ That was a good one. By the third time, I’d been around long enough to admit to myself that it doesn’t bloody matter. Sometimes a person sparks somethin’ in ya. Long as you’re both adults, what’s the point in frettin’ over it?

[Airy rolls her eyes at him. She knows that he's kidding, even if he also might be partly serious.]

I don't know. I still don't want to share you.

[She sticks out her tongue and then smiles. Cassidy always makes her feel a little better though Airy has no idea what in his explanation had helped things setting into place.] It is kind of the third time. There was you. Which I thought was because it was you and not because you were a girl. I kissed Eve at a bar. I figured it was because I was feeling drunk and guilty. Then in the dram but I figured that it was a dream and I didn't know it was her and not...[She pauses and then omits the name.]... I only figured out it was her at the end. Then there was this time when she kinda ambushed me in the woods.

So... four times.

I don't know. I guess it's because I grew up in a place where that really wasn't a thing. I get it, logically, but I didn't think it was me.

[They seem to have moved on from the topic of Widowmaker, which is fine by Cassidy. He settles in to listen as she thinks it through. When she reaches her conclusion, he uses it as a jumpin-off point for a little more validation.]

And that’s not your fault! That’s the legacy of the bloody Puritans. Pat Robertson goin’ on the tv sayin’ lesbians cause hurricanes and earthquakes and what-not. It’s total lunacy.

[The conversation will likely circle back but Airy's trying to organize her thoughts and worries into something that she can handle.]

Is that it?

[Her lips twist into a self-depreciating smile.]

It just... it doesn't feel like it's a good thing. Ya know?

[Cassidy’s eyebrows pinch together. The way she phrased that, he isn’t totally sure what ‘it’ is.]

Are you talkin’ about the social customs, there, or what?

I don't know.

[She takes a long sip of coffee before leaning against the couch, looking up at Cassidy with large bright blue eyes.]

I guess... I don't know. I still love you but if I'm turned on by everyone? That seems... complicated.

[He watches her sink into the couch cushions, then leans back to join her.]

...as opposed to just half everyone?

Yeah, pretty much.

[She finishes the coffee and places the cup on the floor, out of the way.]

I guess it's just weird. I kind of want to explore it but I also would rather just be focused on you. [Airy doesn't like how it makes her feel. Cassidy is more important than all of this confusion.]

[Cassidy smiles like his heart just melted a little, and he doesn't know what to do about it. Airy Miller, you absolute sweetheart.

He gets that she's torn. It's one thing if pollen or some other fairy interference gets to you, or a psycho blue lady is ambushing you with orgasms. To go out and chase it is another. That she cares about them enough to worry is... it means something.

His mind turns over the question for a few seconds. Is there a way to balance the two? Could she do her exploring while being focused on him, somehow?

Cassidy opens his mouth, but it's another few seconds before he starts talking. This is another one of those brand-new-territory conversations.]

I maybe might have a way for ya to do both. It's not threesomes, [he cuts in before she can make that assumption,] because it's not about me gettin' me oats off with you and another woman. Unless it turns out you're into that. I'm just, I know it's a cliche, I'm just puttin' it out there — and also gettin' off-topic —

[He'll be lightly drugged any minute now.]

The thought I had was. If there is any lady in particular you felt like explorin' with, and you happened to do so, then afterwards, we could meet up, and you could tell me how you liked it.

[Is that creepy? Is she going to think he's being a total lech — more than she does already? Cassidy doesn't anticipate a smack, but he's braced for a dirty look.]

[Airy watches Cassidy's lips move as he spoke. She loves the way his lips form words and even without drugs she finds it hypnotizing.]

You want me to?

[She doesn't mean to sound surprised. Cassidy is likely more used to having a semi-open relationship while Airy really isn't. She's stumbling through this and open experiences contradictions between her head and her heart.

Cassidy is right about one thing. This will be different from anything that she's ever done before. Airy could barely proposition men, let alone women.] I... I'm not sure what to say. [She leans forward and wraps her arms around Cassidy's shoulders.] But, I love you. Thank you for listening and thinking of me.

[She doesn't think that Cassidy is being a pervert or wanting to do things with Airy and some other girl. That might be true but Airy believes the best in people and assumes that isn't the first think on his mind.]

And... I guess that sounds all well and good. Trying it and then talking it out but I have no idea who would be good for that sort of thing or who to ask. I'm not sure if people really enjoy the amount of uncertainty and inexperience that I have with this kind of thing.

[Airy's friends with quiet a few women but she doesn't think they're interested in women or they're a little too intense to be a first time intentional... thing. Whatever it's called.]

I don't know.

[Airy repeats like a broken record.]

If I did do that. Who do you think I should ask?

[It may be she's giving Cass a little too much credit. It's not like he'll get nothing out of the image of her with another woman, especially with real-life descriptions backing it up.

He does want to give her space to figure it out, though, if that's what she wants. He figures the way things are here, why wouldn't he?

He wouldn't call himself an expert on which of the women he knows would be willing to help Airy out. A few suspicions... nothing that makes him confident enough to drop names.]

I could ask around for ya. There might be someone who enjoys bein' a person's first time.

[They'd talked about pimping one another out, hypothetically, once before. How does that idea strike her now that it's more real?]

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