[She sounds so calm. That silences him as much as the finger on his lips. He watches her while she traces his mouth, allowing the touch and her general air of patience to bring him back down to Earth.]
Okay.
[Shut up. Be still. Give her space. In the silence, Cassidy takes his hand off of her knee and switches on his heartbeat. It gives him something to focus on, to track the passage of time.
One. Two. Three. Four.]
You want summore coffee? [He still hasn't finished his, but her cup is empty, and there's plenty left in the batch.]
[She passes her cup over to Cassidy, watching him pour more of the dark bitter liquid into a cup.]
Can you tell me how to feel?
[Airy pauses.]
What kind of name is Widowmaker anyway? Does she only kill married men? That is stupidly specific. [She wants to keep being angry but her furry has ebbed some, tempered by the confusion that stirs within her.]
[He refills both their cups and returns directly. The 'how to feel' question goes unanswered — at first, it's because he actually can't. Then, it's because making fun of Widow's name is a much more attractive topic.]
Sounds like the name of a bleedin' sword some orc would be carryin' around in Lord of the Rings. [He puts on a generic, Cockney-esque accent, lowers his voice to a gravelly growl, and holds up his free hand like he's holding onto the hilt of a sword:] I call it... Widowmaker.
[He glances over to see whether he's managed to at least make her crack a smile. Although, in any case, he's had another thought:]
And, y'know, I told her back then, I can't imagine callin' someone 'Widow' durin' sex. That is potentially the least sexy thing I can imagine comin' out with. Oh, sure, let's conjure up dead husbands. That's exactly what I wanna be thinkin' about right now. [He shakes his head, and lifts his coffee to his lips, adding a muttered:] Christ.
[Airy's fingers curl around her cup as Cassidy rejoins her on the couch.]
It does. [He gets a small smile out of her and then a light warm laugh.] Like a short sword that's in the hand of a really big orc. He's clearly over compensating for something but you're not sure what. [Amusement dances in the light blue of her eyes.]
I told her the same thing but she wanted me to call her spider in French. I don't think she knew that I know French and I told her that was stupid and I wasn't going to call her that. [Airy sighed softly.] It's probably not her name anyway. Whatever made her what she is now, is probably what changed it.
I mean, no mother wakes up and decides to name their daughter Widowmaker. [Even nowadays when people are trying to come up with unique names.
Silence falls for a few seconds and Airy sighs.]
I really hate her Cassidy. I don't really want to think about you having sex with her and then later having sex with me. [As much as she isn't really upset, Airy still doesn't want to think about it. Hopefully he bathed afterwards or something.]
[In the most technical terms, one had been the day before the other. But they’re not getting into those specifics if Cass can help it.]
No, but I don’t blame ya for that. [And they’ve well established that Airy hates her, which leaves the question:] What’re you gonna do, she tries to pull the same shite again?
[She forces her lips into a smile before letting the expression slip away. Airy doesn't want to have to force herself around Cassidy. He's one of the few people she doesn't always just smile for.]
I don't know.
[Airy exhales and then takes a sip of her coffee, focusing on the warmth that sliers down her throat.]
That's kinda why I came to you. I'm not sure what to do. It's strange and I feel like it doesn't have an answer that I'll be okay with.
[So she is looking for his advice. Cassidy is tempted to repeat his earlier tip about giving Widowmaker cement shoes, but... he remembers Widow saying how much she enjoyed so-called ‘big game.’ Those sort of benign deterrents might give Airy some time, but they’d probably just make it more exciting for Widow.
Which means what? Airy should try to make herself boring prey...? Which would mean struggling to act like she wasn’t turned on by Widow at all. Which Widow would see through, likely. And they’re back to the thrill of the chase.]
...well, I know you probably won’t like this one, but if she doesn’t stop comin’ after ya, you might have to hurt her.
[Yeah, he’s already pretty sure she doesn’t like that idea.]
Only if it comes to it, right? But it sounds to me like she’s treatin’ this as some cat and mouse game, when she doesn’t know who she’s dealin’ with. [He extends an index finger and pokes her in the knee. Looking for eye contact, to let her know he really believes this.] The Creator. You’ve got ways to defend yourself. You shouldn’t be afraid to use ‘em.
[Airy looks up at Cassidy and once again, she tries to smile.]
I've never hurt someone on purpose before. I've defended myself but this is... I don't know. It does feel good. It's weird to think I need to defend myself against that. [Widowmaker really has no idea who she's dealing with because so far she's caught Airy by surprise and hsa quickly rattled her thoughts.]
I don't like being the mouse.
[She likes holding the whip and being the sexy cat.]
Cassidy... I realize I probably won't like the answer to this question but do you like her? Widowmaker? [She takes a sip of her coffee and watches Cassidy curiously.]
[He blinks, honestly incredulous at the question.]
Now I don’t! She’s actin’ like a psycho toward ya!
...she’s a bombshell, no doubts there, but so’re lots of people here who aren’t... [He nearly says forcing themselves on people, but the more they talk about this, the more uncomfortable he’s getting with that framing. Airy herself sounds uncertain whether or not she wants it.
In the end, instead of saying anything, he makes a vague gesture. She can fill in her own end to the sentence.]
[She leans against the back of the couch, looking up at Cassidy with large bright blue eyes.]
Cassidy... I think I like girls.
[It's a slight shift in subject but Airy needs to let the whole situation with Widowmaker simmer before she knows what she's going to do. It's too confusing to focus on right now. Thinking back on it now...and gets all hot-n-bothered but Widowmaker is annoying about it and all sexy and confident and pushes until she says yes.
Making her admit things about herself that she hadn't really known before.]
I guess that's like a dream sentence for boyfriends to hear but it's weird to think about.
[Cassidy points at his own head.] I’m only doin’ cartwheels and jumpin’ jacks up here, but never mind me.
[It’s a very dry joke. Fingers crossed she’s had enough experience with his sense of humor to get that.
He looks more serious after another couple seconds of thought. This is a tough moment for Airy — what is it she really needs?
Maybe a little reassurance?]
You’re quicker on the uptake than I was. First couple of times I was with another man, I chalked it up to boredom. Or desperation. Or ‘I just got hard cause there was friction, it coulda been anythin’.’ That was a good one. By the third time, I’d been around long enough to admit to myself that it doesn’t bloody matter. Sometimes a person sparks somethin’ in ya. Long as you’re both adults, what’s the point in frettin’ over it?
[Airy rolls her eyes at him. She knows that he's kidding, even if he also might be partly serious.]
I don't know. I still don't want to share you.
[She sticks out her tongue and then smiles. Cassidy always makes her feel a little better though Airy has no idea what in his explanation had helped things setting into place.] It is kind of the third time. There was you. Which I thought was because it was you and not because you were a girl. I kissed Eve at a bar. I figured it was because I was feeling drunk and guilty. Then in the dram but I figured that it was a dream and I didn't know it was her and not...[She pauses and then omits the name.]... I only figured out it was her at the end. Then there was this time when she kinda ambushed me in the woods.
So... four times.
I don't know. I guess it's because I grew up in a place where that really wasn't a thing. I get it, logically, but I didn't think it was me.
[They seem to have moved on from the topic of Widowmaker, which is fine by Cassidy. He settles in to listen as she thinks it through. When she reaches her conclusion, he uses it as a jumpin-off point for a little more validation.]
And that’s not your fault! That’s the legacy of the bloody Puritans. Pat Robertson goin’ on the tv sayin’ lesbians cause hurricanes and earthquakes and what-not. It’s total lunacy.
[She finishes the coffee and places the cup on the floor, out of the way.]
I guess it's just weird. I kind of want to explore it but I also would rather just be focused on you. [Airy doesn't like how it makes her feel. Cassidy is more important than all of this confusion.]
[Cassidy smiles like his heart just melted a little, and he doesn't know what to do about it. Airy Miller, you absolute sweetheart.
He gets that she's torn. It's one thing if pollen or some other fairy interference gets to you, or a psycho blue lady is ambushing you with orgasms. To go out and chase it is another. That she cares about them enough to worry is... it means something.
His mind turns over the question for a few seconds. Is there a way to balance the two? Could she do her exploring while being focused on him, somehow?
Cassidy opens his mouth, but it's another few seconds before he starts talking. This is another one of those brand-new-territory conversations.]
I maybe might have a way for ya to do both. It's not threesomes, [he cuts in before she can make that assumption,] because it's not about me gettin' me oats off with you and another woman. Unless it turns out you're into that. I'm just, I know it's a cliche, I'm just puttin' it out there — and also gettin' off-topic —
[He'll be lightly drugged any minute now.]
The thought I had was. If there is any lady in particular you felt like explorin' with, and you happened to do so, then afterwards, we could meet up, and you could tell me how you liked it.
[Is that creepy? Is she going to think he's being a total lech — more than she does already? Cassidy doesn't anticipate a smack, but he's braced for a dirty look.]
[Airy watches Cassidy's lips move as he spoke. She loves the way his lips form words and even without drugs she finds it hypnotizing.]
You want me to?
[She doesn't mean to sound surprised. Cassidy is likely more used to having a semi-open relationship while Airy really isn't. She's stumbling through this and open experiences contradictions between her head and her heart.
Cassidy is right about one thing. This will be different from anything that she's ever done before. Airy could barely proposition men, let alone women.] I... I'm not sure what to say. [She leans forward and wraps her arms around Cassidy's shoulders.] But, I love you. Thank you for listening and thinking of me.
[She doesn't think that Cassidy is being a pervert or wanting to do things with Airy and some other girl. That might be true but Airy believes the best in people and assumes that isn't the first think on his mind.]
And... I guess that sounds all well and good. Trying it and then talking it out but I have no idea who would be good for that sort of thing or who to ask. I'm not sure if people really enjoy the amount of uncertainty and inexperience that I have with this kind of thing.
[Airy's friends with quiet a few women but she doesn't think they're interested in women or they're a little too intense to be a first time intentional... thing. Whatever it's called.]
[It may be she's giving Cass a little too much credit. It's not like he'll get nothing out of the image of her with another woman, especially with real-life descriptions backing it up.
He does want to give her space to figure it out, though, if that's what she wants. He figures the way things are here, why wouldn't he?
He wouldn't call himself an expert on which of the women he knows would be willing to help Airy out. A few suspicions... nothing that makes him confident enough to drop names.]
I could ask around for ya. There might be someone who enjoys bein' a person's first time.
[They'd talked about pimping one another out, hypothetically, once before. How does that idea strike her now that it's more real?]
[Uncertainty touches the edge of her expression as she meets Cassidy's gaze. They had talked about this... exactly this... but she had always supposed that it would be the other way around and that she'd be the one pimping him out.
Her teeth gently capture her lower lip and worries at the flesh.]
That's what we said. Wasn't it? If we got weird urges. I guess this counts.
[Except that it isn't the pollen that's effecting her.]
Okay. Ask those you know. Maybe... not a mass thing. [Since that could end disastrously.] But if you know a few women who might be interested and... I guess, not too intense? [That seems weird to ask him but Airy trusts him.]
Only if you're okay with it and I still want to talk to you about it afterwards.
Only if you're okay with me gettin' turned on when we talk about it, 'cause I can't promise it won't happen.
[He can almost guarantee it will, unless she winds up having a bad time.]
But I can think of a couple to ask. [Maybe it's better if she does know in advance who he's thinking of. That way, he'll already know her opinion of them.] Mostly, it's the ladies I know who're used to bein' of service in a sexual nature. Charlotte, for one — that's her background. Also Inara. You know Inara? 'bout the same height as Matt. Sorta got that mediterranean look goin' for her.
[Airy will likely also get turned on while talking about it but they'll cross that bridge when they come to it.]
Okay. Yeah. They sound good. I know Inara, not very well, but she seems nice. [She doesn't know if either will be particularly interested in helping her but she imagined that it'd be a little different between the pair of them. They're both sweet, in their own way, and confident.
She nods again.]
Yeah. Them or people like them. I can see that. That'd be okay.
Um... I feel like I should say thank you. It's weird but I guess it's okay. I mean, if I do like girls. It can't really be a bad thing. Not here anyway.
It’s the opposite of a bad thing. [He loops an arm around her shoulders.] It’s totally great.
[He smiles down toward his coffee before lifting it, as he continues:] And I get to be your wingman as well as your boyfriend — i gotta say, that’s a new one.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2018-08-24 05:27 pm (UTC)Okay.
[Shut up. Be still. Give her space. In the silence, Cassidy takes his hand off of her knee and switches on his heartbeat. It gives him something to focus on, to track the passage of time.
One. Two. Three. Four.]
You want summore coffee? [He still hasn't finished his, but her cup is empty, and there's plenty left in the batch.]
no subject
Date: 2018-08-24 07:39 pm (UTC)[She passes her cup over to Cassidy, watching him pour more of the dark bitter liquid into a cup.]
Can you tell me how to feel?
[Airy pauses.]
What kind of name is Widowmaker anyway? Does she only kill married men? That is stupidly specific. [She wants to keep being angry but her furry has ebbed some, tempered by the confusion that stirs within her.]
no subject
Date: 2018-08-24 08:09 pm (UTC)Sounds like the name of a bleedin' sword some orc would be carryin' around in Lord of the Rings. [He puts on a generic, Cockney-esque accent, lowers his voice to a gravelly growl, and holds up his free hand like he's holding onto the hilt of a sword:] I call it... Widowmaker.
[He glances over to see whether he's managed to at least make her crack a smile. Although, in any case, he's had another thought:]
And, y'know, I told her back then, I can't imagine callin' someone 'Widow' durin' sex. That is potentially the least sexy thing I can imagine comin' out with. Oh, sure, let's conjure up dead husbands. That's exactly what I wanna be thinkin' about right now. [He shakes his head, and lifts his coffee to his lips, adding a muttered:] Christ.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-25 06:28 pm (UTC)It does. [He gets a small smile out of her and then a light warm laugh.] Like a short sword that's in the hand of a really big orc. He's clearly over compensating for something but you're not sure what. [Amusement dances in the light blue of her eyes.]
I told her the same thing but she wanted me to call her spider in French. I don't think she knew that I know French and I told her that was stupid and I wasn't going to call her that. [Airy sighed softly.] It's probably not her name anyway. Whatever made her what she is now, is probably what changed it.
I mean, no mother wakes up and decides to name their daughter Widowmaker. [Even nowadays when people are trying to come up with unique names.
Silence falls for a few seconds and Airy sighs.]
I really hate her Cassidy. I don't really want to think about you having sex with her and then later having sex with me. [As much as she isn't really upset, Airy still doesn't want to think about it. Hopefully he bathed afterwards or something.]
no subject
Date: 2018-08-25 06:44 pm (UTC)[In the most technical terms, one had been the day before the other. But they’re not getting into those specifics if Cass can help it.]
No, but I don’t blame ya for that. [And they’ve well established that Airy hates her, which leaves the question:] What’re you gonna do, she tries to pull the same shite again?
no subject
Date: 2018-08-25 06:47 pm (UTC)[She forces her lips into a smile before letting the expression slip away. Airy doesn't want to have to force herself around Cassidy. He's one of the few people she doesn't always just smile for.]
I don't know.
[Airy exhales and then takes a sip of her coffee, focusing on the warmth that sliers down her throat.]
That's kinda why I came to you. I'm not sure what to do. It's strange and I feel like it doesn't have an answer that I'll be okay with.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-25 08:42 pm (UTC)Which means what? Airy should try to make herself boring prey...? Which would mean struggling to act like she wasn’t turned on by Widow at all. Which Widow would see through, likely. And they’re back to the thrill of the chase.]
...well, I know you probably won’t like this one, but if she doesn’t stop comin’ after ya, you might have to hurt her.
[Yeah, he’s already pretty sure she doesn’t like that idea.]
Only if it comes to it, right? But it sounds to me like she’s treatin’ this as some cat and mouse game, when she doesn’t know who she’s dealin’ with. [He extends an index finger and pokes her in the knee. Looking for eye contact, to let her know he really believes this.] The Creator. You’ve got ways to defend yourself. You shouldn’t be afraid to use ‘em.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-25 08:55 pm (UTC)I've never hurt someone on purpose before. I've defended myself but this is... I don't know. It does feel good. It's weird to think I need to defend myself against that. [Widowmaker really has no idea who she's dealing with because so far she's caught Airy by surprise and hsa quickly rattled her thoughts.]
I don't like being the mouse.
[She likes holding the whip and being the sexy cat.]
Cassidy... I realize I probably won't like the answer to this question but do you like her? Widowmaker? [She takes a sip of her coffee and watches Cassidy curiously.]
no subject
Date: 2018-08-25 10:00 pm (UTC)Now I don’t! She’s actin’ like a psycho toward ya!
...she’s a bombshell, no doubts there, but so’re lots of people here who aren’t... [He nearly says forcing themselves on people, but the more they talk about this, the more uncomfortable he’s getting with that framing. Airy herself sounds uncertain whether or not she wants it.
In the end, instead of saying anything, he makes a vague gesture. She can fill in her own end to the sentence.]
no subject
Date: 2018-08-25 10:07 pm (UTC)[She leans against the back of the couch, looking up at Cassidy with large bright blue eyes.]
Cassidy... I think I like girls.
[It's a slight shift in subject but Airy needs to let the whole situation with Widowmaker simmer before she knows what she's going to do. It's too confusing to focus on right now. Thinking back on it now...and gets all hot-n-bothered but Widowmaker is annoying about it and all sexy and confident and pushes until she says yes.
Making her admit things about herself that she hadn't really known before.]
I guess that's like a dream sentence for boyfriends to hear but it's weird to think about.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-25 11:25 pm (UTC)[It’s a very dry joke. Fingers crossed she’s had enough experience with his sense of humor to get that.
He looks more serious after another couple seconds of thought. This is a tough moment for Airy — what is it she really needs?
Maybe a little reassurance?]
You’re quicker on the uptake than I was. First couple of times I was with another man, I chalked it up to boredom. Or desperation. Or ‘I just got hard cause there was friction, it coulda been anythin’.’ That was a good one. By the third time, I’d been around long enough to admit to myself that it doesn’t bloody matter. Sometimes a person sparks somethin’ in ya. Long as you’re both adults, what’s the point in frettin’ over it?
no subject
Date: 2018-08-25 11:43 pm (UTC)I don't know. I still don't want to share you.
[She sticks out her tongue and then smiles. Cassidy always makes her feel a little better though Airy has no idea what in his explanation had helped things setting into place.] It is kind of the third time. There was you. Which I thought was because it was you and not because you were a girl. I kissed Eve at a bar. I figured it was because I was feeling drunk and guilty. Then in the dram but I figured that it was a dream and I didn't know it was her and not...[She pauses and then omits the name.]... I only figured out it was her at the end. Then there was this time when she kinda ambushed me in the woods.
So... four times.
I don't know. I guess it's because I grew up in a place where that really wasn't a thing. I get it, logically, but I didn't think it was me.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-26 04:00 pm (UTC)And that’s not your fault! That’s the legacy of the bloody Puritans. Pat Robertson goin’ on the tv sayin’ lesbians cause hurricanes and earthquakes and what-not. It’s total lunacy.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-26 06:54 pm (UTC)Is that it?
[Her lips twist into a self-depreciating smile.]
It just... it doesn't feel like it's a good thing. Ya know?
no subject
Date: 2018-08-26 08:07 pm (UTC)Are you talkin’ about the social customs, there, or what?
no subject
Date: 2018-08-26 08:51 pm (UTC)[She takes a long sip of coffee before leaning against the couch, looking up at Cassidy with large bright blue eyes.]
I guess... I don't know. I still love you but if I'm turned on by everyone? That seems... complicated.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-26 11:18 pm (UTC)...as opposed to just half everyone?
no subject
Date: 2018-08-26 11:52 pm (UTC)[She finishes the coffee and places the cup on the floor, out of the way.]
I guess it's just weird. I kind of want to explore it but I also would rather just be focused on you. [Airy doesn't like how it makes her feel. Cassidy is more important than all of this confusion.]
no subject
Date: 2018-08-27 12:28 am (UTC)He gets that she's torn. It's one thing if pollen or some other fairy interference gets to you, or a psycho blue lady is ambushing you with orgasms. To go out and chase it is another. That she cares about them enough to worry is... it means something.
His mind turns over the question for a few seconds. Is there a way to balance the two? Could she do her exploring while being focused on him, somehow?
Cassidy opens his mouth, but it's another few seconds before he starts talking. This is another one of those brand-new-territory conversations.]
I maybe might have a way for ya to do both. It's not threesomes, [he cuts in before she can make that assumption,] because it's not about me gettin' me oats off with you and another woman. Unless it turns out you're into that. I'm just, I know it's a cliche, I'm just puttin' it out there — and also gettin' off-topic —
[He'll be lightly drugged any minute now.]
The thought I had was. If there is any lady in particular you felt like explorin' with, and you happened to do so, then afterwards, we could meet up, and you could tell me how you liked it.
[Is that creepy? Is she going to think he's being a total lech — more than she does already? Cassidy doesn't anticipate a smack, but he's braced for a dirty look.]
no subject
Date: 2018-08-27 11:55 am (UTC)You want me to?
[She doesn't mean to sound surprised. Cassidy is likely more used to having a semi-open relationship while Airy really isn't. She's stumbling through this and open experiences contradictions between her head and her heart.
Cassidy is right about one thing. This will be different from anything that she's ever done before. Airy could barely proposition men, let alone women.] I... I'm not sure what to say. [She leans forward and wraps her arms around Cassidy's shoulders.] But, I love you. Thank you for listening and thinking of me.
[She doesn't think that Cassidy is being a pervert or wanting to do things with Airy and some other girl. That might be true but Airy believes the best in people and assumes that isn't the first think on his mind.]
And... I guess that sounds all well and good. Trying it and then talking it out but I have no idea who would be good for that sort of thing or who to ask. I'm not sure if people really enjoy the amount of uncertainty and inexperience that I have with this kind of thing.
[Airy's friends with quiet a few women but she doesn't think they're interested in women or they're a little too intense to be a first time intentional... thing. Whatever it's called.]
I don't know.
[Airy repeats like a broken record.]
If I did do that. Who do you think I should ask?
no subject
Date: 2018-08-27 03:10 pm (UTC)He does want to give her space to figure it out, though, if that's what she wants. He figures the way things are here, why wouldn't he?
He wouldn't call himself an expert on which of the women he knows would be willing to help Airy out. A few suspicions... nothing that makes him confident enough to drop names.]
I could ask around for ya. There might be someone who enjoys bein' a person's first time.
[They'd talked about pimping one another out, hypothetically, once before. How does that idea strike her now that it's more real?]
no subject
Date: 2018-08-27 04:13 pm (UTC)Her teeth gently capture her lower lip and worries at the flesh.]
That's what we said. Wasn't it? If we got weird urges. I guess this counts.
[Except that it isn't the pollen that's effecting her.]
Okay. Ask those you know. Maybe... not a mass thing. [Since that could end disastrously.] But if you know a few women who might be interested and... I guess, not too intense? [That seems weird to ask him but Airy trusts him.]
Only if you're okay with it and I still want to talk to you about it afterwards.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-27 05:27 pm (UTC)[He can almost guarantee it will, unless she winds up having a bad time.]
But I can think of a couple to ask. [Maybe it's better if she does know in advance who he's thinking of. That way, he'll already know her opinion of them.] Mostly, it's the ladies I know who're used to bein' of service in a sexual nature. Charlotte, for one — that's her background. Also Inara. You know Inara? 'bout the same height as Matt. Sorta got that mediterranean look goin' for her.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-27 06:07 pm (UTC)[Airy will likely also get turned on while talking about it but they'll cross that bridge when they come to it.]
Okay. Yeah. They sound good. I know Inara, not very well, but she seems nice. [She doesn't know if either will be particularly interested in helping her but she imagined that it'd be a little different between the pair of them. They're both sweet, in their own way, and confident.
She nods again.]
Yeah. Them or people like them. I can see that. That'd be okay.
Um... I feel like I should say thank you. It's weird but I guess it's okay. I mean, if I do like girls. It can't really be a bad thing. Not here anyway.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-28 02:59 am (UTC)[He smiles down toward his coffee before lifting it, as he continues:] And I get to be your wingman as well as your boyfriend — i gotta say, that’s a new one.
(no subject)
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